Friday, October 18, 2013

A Story of Loss - Sarah {My Story God's Plan}

October is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month.  The primary focus of my blog this month {as it was last October} is this subject which is so common, yet is a subject which is not talked about enough.  It is difficult to hear stories of loss and grief, but as one who has been through multiple losses, I can say that sometimes all we need is for someone to listen.  It is through my losses that I learned how much more common it is than I thought and it is through sharing that I learned that I was not alone.  If you have experienced pregnancy or infant loss through any of the many forms they come in, it is my hope that you will know that you are not alone either.

October 15th of each year is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  I shared some of my story on the blog in honor of this occasion.  The post included a link up where you could share your stories.  It's still open for those of you who may wish to share.

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Today I would love to introduce you to Sarah.  She writes over at My Story God's Plan.  In addition to being a "Sarah", she is also a red-head and she is also the mother of two angel babies.  It can be so painful to retell stories of the loss of our babies, but Sarah has graciously offered to share her story with you today.  

Welcome, Sarah!

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It seems like yesterday. It seems like a lifetime ago.

Seven years ago today I was pregnant with twin boys and happily expecting their arrival into this world in March 2007. Little did I know that in just a matter of weeks my life would be turned upside down and the dreams of today would break in the Doctor’s office and shatter slowly over the course of nine days.

It was my birthday, November 7, 2006. The day was gorgeous. I remember going to the park with Hubby, my mother-in-law, and my niece and nephew. I remember asking my mother-in-law, a nurse, about a couple strange things happening. She suggested I get it checked out. The next day I was off work, anyway, and was going to the Doctor’s office to get my medical leave papers signed. I mentioned to the nurse I would like to get checked out and waited for the doctor to arrive (which seemed like forever).

The next things I remember were crying, calling my husband to come get me, and heading to the hospital. As the next nine days played out my hope waivered and Hubby and I spent a lot of time just praying. Ultimately, the decision was up to us; at 22 weeks we would have the choice of having NICU doctors present or not present at the birth. After much prayer and talking and changing our minds and going through all options we could possibly know; we chose to not have NICU doctors present. Basically, we decided to let God decide what needed to happen.

Isaac Robert was born on November 15, 2006 at 7:35 pm. He was 10 inches long and 1 lb. 2 oz. He lived for less than 30 minutes. Luke Alan was born November 16, 2006 at 1:20 am. He was 10.5 inches long and 1 lb. 3 oz. He lived for less than 30 minutes. They were perfect in every way they could be on earth; but now, they are perfect in all ways in Heaven and for all eternity.

I remember leaving the hospital, crying the whole way home, in silence, as Hubby and I tried to wrap our heads around the last nine days. The decisions, the pain, the grieving. We did a graveside service for the boys with family only; and a small gathering after with drinks and snacks and time to just talk and relax with family who came out. I kept a journal during this whole time and the day after the funeral I wrote this entry:

11/22/06
I’m so thankful that I have a peace that passes all understanding. So many people tell us that we are handling this so well. Do they expect us to cry 24/7? What people don’t understand, I guess, is that we have peace. We created Isaac and Luke and were so blessed to enjoy that time we did have with them. Obviously these boys were never meant to live a full life on the Earth. Which means I feel so blessed to have given any type of life to someone that was to fully understand God’s Glory [from the beginning of their life]. This concept is hard to explain in words but easy to grasp in my heart. … Yesterday was the funeral. Closure. Peace. The sun was shining and the wind lightly blowing. Beautiful.

I still feel the pain of the loss. Thankfully, I have a peace that passes understanding, especially when we don’t understand it at all and won’t until we enter eternity. Isaac and Luke were meant for eternity, and we will see them again someday; and that is hope I know is true and I can cling to.

Over the course of the last seven years I have sought out help from family, church family, and Christian counselors to help me through the grief. If you are experiencing grief from infant or pregnancy loss I encourage you to find trustworthy people to help you through. Don’t think you are strong enough to carry this sorrow alone.


About the Author: Sarah is a stay-at-home mom with 2 angel babies and 3 kids living out God’s will on earth. Sarah, with her husband’s support, blogs at My Story God's Plan.  Here she supports women in their daily living by posting about encouraging music, personal stories, and sending Christian kids to public school. Connect with Sarah on Facebook, Google +, and Bloglovin’

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Thank you so much, Sarah, for sharing your story of your precious baby boys.  I know that others will be encouraged by your faith.  


Remembering Our Babies 2013


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