Monday, September 10, 2012

On Compassion and Gratefulness to God



Dear God:

I am looking at the events that have unfolded over the past 14 hours.  I know and I trust that it is your will for us to be the earthly caregivers for such a precious child as Peyton who has so many medical issues.  I have never blamed you for "doing this to us", even though you and I both know that some of our challenges has been extremely difficult to bear over the past six years.  For whatever reason, you entrusted Peyton to our care and we accepted long ago that the time allotted will very likely be far shorter than any parent could ever imagine having to bear.

Over the past 14 hours, I have witnessed my daughter's life slipping away before my eyes and I have witnessed the power of your saving grace that returned breath back into her limp body.  People tell me how strong they think I am and I think to myself - they weren't there.  They didn't see the fear, tears, and crying out, nor did they feel the flood of emotions that came as I realized that my child could be gone in an instant with me standing there helpless to do anything before she finally came around and stabilized before the emergency responders could bring her to the emergency room at our local children's hospital.

Peyton in the ER just a couple hours after I thought we were going to lose her.


This has been an overwhelmingly difficult day as I process the emotions of what did happen and what could have happened.  Lord, you alone know my deepest thoughts and fears about everything.  I knew you were there.  I knew your healing power as I cried out to you and Peyton finally was able to take that blessed breath.

I sit here in this room in the children's hospital in tears, just processing.  I think to myself how truly blessed we are to have what we have at our disposal.  I picked up the phone and dialed three simple numbers.  9 - 1 - 1.  I was alone and I needed my husband home immediately and you placed the though in my mind to post my need on facebook, not caring who saw, but that someone would see and reach out to him so he could get home quickly and safely.  You made that happen.  Within a moment, my needs were answered.  Within moments, I had not one but seven first responders standing in Peyton's room ready to do whatever needed to be done to help her, though you saw to it that she was stable before they arrived.  You saw to it that was might have been did not happen.  We left home and wound up in an emergency room specifically designated for children - not just a "one size fits all" department.  You provided caregivers for her who were able to immediately assess her and take care of her until she was transferred to her own room where you saw to it that she would be provided with even more caregivers who would take care of all her needs as long as she is here.

I sit here in this room processing all the amazing goodness and wonders you have bestowed on us over the past 14 hours.  I sit here in the midst of Compassion International's "Blog Month" processing just how different our situation would be if she were one of the thousands of children waiting for a sponsor.

Lord God, I don't understand why so many children are placed in parts of the world where their basic needs are not being met.  I don't understand why I can accept for myself that I was placed in a specific place and time for a certain purpose, but I can't understand how that same principle could be applied to all of these desperate children around the world.  If I can't understand it, please show me.  Teach me.  Are these children placed in our lives for a reason?  Is that their purpose - to unknowingly {to them} show Christ to us who are beaten down by everyday "normal" {to us} stresses and who need to see the things of this world stripped away to the bare essentials so we can see how Christ is at work in the world?  Are we placed in their lives because it is up to us to bring you to them?  I think it is a bit of both perhaps.  

I sit here thinking about the situation you have called us to be in with Peyton right now.  I think to myself, if she were born in one of the countries Compassion is involved in, there's a pretty high probability first of all that she wouldn't have made it to be six years old.  I ponder the fact that if the events of last night happened elsewhere, there would be no emergency responders showing up - forget seven of them.  Proximity to emergency care might make all the difference - if there's even emergency care to be had anywhere remotely close.  But forget all of that because it's probably highly likely that basic medical needs could not even be met, much less those required by a medically fragile child such as Peyton.

I think of how blessed and grateful I am, Lord, that you have placed us in such a time and place as we are in right now so that we would have as good a chance as possible as fulfilling our earthly duties as Peyton's parents he best possible way we can - by utilizing the resources that have been placed in our path by you.

You have given each and every one of us unique skill sets - abilities that can be used to glorify you - whether it is here or afar.  So many children need you in their lives so that they can see this.  So that they can bring hope to their families and to the generations to come.  They need to see your light so that they can be that light for each other.  But I can't even imagine how they can accomplish that if they are living in a place of despair where their basic needs aren't even being met.  If they are not even healthy enough to help themselves, they likely cannot do this.  They need help and I believe that you have placed it upon the hearts of thousands of people across this country and around the world to share a piece of themselves with a child in need.  I believe that the people across the world who are able can impact generations to do the same so that one day someone isn't sitting in a hospital room being eternally grateful for what they have at their disposal when someone else doesn't even have that luxury.

God, I just thank you for all our blessings - most of all the blessing of the life of Peyton which continues today because of your saving power.  I thank you that you are a great and mighty teacher who has opened my eyes to the world beyond that which immediately surrounds me and to develop a heart for the suffering, the despairing, and those who need to see you in their world.  Teach me and help me to somehow be a voice to help others.  Let my story impact someone else and let it cause them to consider helping someone themselves.  Lord, I just pray that you will use the stories written by Compassion Bloggers to provide for the 2,271 more children that Compassion has a goal to get sponsored this month.  I ask that you would do exceedingly abundantly more than can be asked or imagined for Compassion.  Thank you for touching my heart and for the impact that can be had on the world when people see your face.

Amen.

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