Wednesday, November 23, 2011

At a Loss


I am at a loss for something to write just now.
Yesterday was a really tough day.
After writing this post for Tuesday's blog, I found myself having to re-read it for myself!

We are finding ourselves in a difficult place just now.
I found out that it's quite possible that we could lose Peyton's main nurse.
She is desperate for her 40 hours, which is all the hours of nursing Peyton gets.
Unfortunately, we need those hours spread out as much as possible,
scheduling hours usually 6 out of 7 days a week.
It's impossible to think she could work that many days a week.
I get that.
And I get the financial implication for her.

Here's the thing.
She's become like family to us.
She loves Peyton.  For that matter, she loves Moira.
Moira has gotten very close with her.
The thought of losing this nurse to a different patient
had me in tears for hours!

But what can we do??
What are we supposed to do??

We only get so many hours a week.
We have certain needs.
We need more hours, but medicaid already cut us back from 84 to 40 a week!

If we give the nurse what she needs - 4 10-hour shifts a week {not weekends} -
then we lose 3 days a week of potential assistance.
If we let her do what she needs to do - go to this other patient -
our family loses out big time!
The alternate nurse is great and she loves Peyton.
But the main nurse....
well, there are some people in this world who are just called to do something....
she's doing that....with Peyton.
We have been so blessed by her.  We truly have.

I know God has a plan.
I know His desire isn't to see me suffering in tears all day long over thsi.
I know His desire isn't to have me fretting over what could happen
if we wind up with nurses who just aren't like this one.
{Trust me...my first thought was that this will ultimately shorten Peyton's life!}
True or not, I know there's a plan in this.
I just don't know what it is.
I'm stressed and frustrated.
I prayed.  I will pray more.
I need clarity on what it is we're supposed to do.

If you wouldn't mind saying a little prayer for this, I'd so appreciate it!!

Last night when I opened my bible to read my daily verses, this is what I read first:

1 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy.  3 For you know when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing.  (James 1:2-4)

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