Tuesday, October 18, 2011

God's Armor

Sometimes life doesn't go exactly how you planned.  Does that happen to anyone else, or is it just me???

Between Peyton and myself, our family has had a whole lot of medical drama since Saturday.  Peyton is still in the hospital.  As of Sunday night, we were waiting on an ultrasound so they could get a better look at these abscesses that she has {in the diaper area}.  No one ever came to do it.  Monday morning, the resident made rounds and she took one look and decided that the attending should know how the situation had advanced.  The redness and inflammation had gotten far worse even with her being on IV antibiotics.  When the attending made rounds with the resident and med students, he basically said there was no need for the ultrasound - they had to get a surgical consult pretty quickly.  They had marked the borders of the red area on Sunday night and Monday morning and by 10:00 Monday morning, the redness was beyond the lines drawn earlier that same morning.

We had the surgical team come and visit Peyton {this surgeon has done multiple surgeries on Peyton and is quite familiar with her}.  She definitely needed to have the abscesses incised and drained but in a different setting and a bit more extensively than the I&D done in the ER.  Late yesterday afternoon, she wound up having a little surgery done to try to completely drain the abscesses.  The surgeon didn't get as much out as he thought he would, so I'm a little concerned.  We'll see how it goes.

Now, the surgery wound up being done not in the OR, but in a procedure room in the PICU.  That meant that I was able to stay right with her during the procedure.  Go back to the medical drama and you might be wondering how on earth I might be able to stay in the room with her considering what happened in the ER on Sunday!!  Well, trust me, those same thoughts were going through my head.  I was so grateful for the ability to stay with my child, but I was so scared I would pass out and fail her for the second day in a row!  I was petrified but I knew I had to hold it together.  Don't watch.  Don't watch.  I kept telling myself that over and over again.  I snuck a couple little peeks, but for the most part, I did not watch.  

I prayed.  I prayed for Peyton to have a successful outcome to this procedure and for her complete healing. Then I prayed for me.  I prayed for the ability to stand strong and to not let whatever came over me yesterday to come over me again today.  I prayed to not pass out.  To not wind up in the ER.  To be strong for Peyton.  

I've mentioned before that my Sisterhood group is studying Pricilla Shirer's "SEED" bible study.  This week, we began reading "SEED Pack 2".  The first section of this book is on Armor.  How well-timed could that possibly have been?!?!  Shirer tells a story about a time when, as a speaker, she was completely overcome with stage fright.  She talked about fear and intimidation.  Essentially, they are the enemy trying to creep in and keep you from doing what God wants you to do.

As I stood with Peyton, holding her little hand in the PICU, I kept thinking about this chapter.  I was starting to become fearful of having another episode like I had yesterday.  I was scared of failing Peyton.  I think everyone at MUSC knows what happened to me on Sunday, and it's a bit embarrassing.  I'm not squeamish.  I can't explain why this happened and it's embarrassing!  So I was scared of it happening again.  Not that it would embarrass me further, but that it would leave Peyton alone again and failed again by me.  Fear, I thought, could not take over my thoughts at all.  There was no room for fear in this moment of my life.

So I prayed.

I prayed for God's armor.  For protection against whatever would cause me to fall again.

Philippians 4:13 (NLT)

13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.

I knew that if I continued to pray and ask for God's strength, that He would grant it to me.  I knew that His strength was bigger than my fears.  I knew that His strength was greater than the enemy's grip on me.  I knew that with Him, I could do what I needed to do for my child.

Peyton - post-anesthesia
I leaned on God and I just prayed for Peyton and for myself.  I don't think it's at all selfish to ask God for help.  He wants us to ask.  He is there for us always, but I think He desires for us to know enough to know that we need Him.  I am grateful that I had the knowledge to realize that I absolutely needed Him to get through this procedure with Peyton.  I need Him always, not just when it's convenient, but always.  I can ask Him for strength when I need it and know He will guide me through.  And I know that even when I'm not actively asking Him, He is still with me guiding us through these stressful and emotional days.

Ephesians 6:11(NIV)

11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes.

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