Thursday, June 2, 2011

Trust In The Lord

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding.

My Daily Wisdom Challenge bible readings took me to this verse tonight.  I read Proverbs 1-3, and this verse  really stood out to me.  I had a difficult time condensing my thoughts into 140 characters so here I am writing this.

We have been traveling on our journey with Peyton for a little over 5 years now.  It's been challenging, rocky, bumpy, frustrating, stressful, sad, emotional, a roller coaster....but it has been joyful, peaceful, and full of tenderness that I could never imagine all at the same time.  We've moved along this path on multiple levels.  There's the physical level which we personally travel on day in and day out.  That's the level where we are physically dealing with Peyton, our daughter - a medically fragile 5 year old.  To borrow from a facebook status "re-post" that I saw last night, she's seen more doctors offices than play dates.  What's a play date anyway??  We've really never had one.  That's not where life has taken us.

The other level is the spiritual one.  For five years, we've experienced the highest of our highs and the lowest of lows on this level.  I've felt abandoned by God.  I've felt saved through His son Jesus Christ.  I've felt all points in between.  Right now, I know what my relationship with God is - it's much better than it's ever been....but it still needs work.  It's a struggle, but I'm trying to work on becoming more Christ-focused in life.

Peyton had a Genetics appointment yesterday.  You can read about that on her CaringBridge page HERE.  I went in with the notion that we were onto a possible diagnosis for at least some of her issues.  I had heard about a syndrome and was sure this was it!  No matter how I tried to speak to the doctor, he'd speak over and around the issue but not directly to it.  He wasn't buying it.  He doesn't think this is the answer.  I was frustrated for a while during the appointment.  Then things began to turn around when he started to speak of other tests we can do to look at other possibilities - not one specific diagnosis, but a broad range of issues.  It's been done before, at least other "broad ranges" have been tested.  No diagnosis after 5 years.  The doctor actually gave me a semi-awkward sideways hug as he assured me that we would get to the bottom of this for "our mystery girl" as he called her.

The "mystery girl".  How many times have I heard that?!  So, to come across Proverbs 3:5 tonight was significant for me.  After writing the CaringBridge update on this appointment last night, I received a comment about how wonderful it is that the Lord knows her.  I was also thinking about that.  HE knows her.  Peyton is NOT a "mystery girl" to Him.  He knows everything about her.  He created her in His image.  She is His daughter, who He loves.

As I pray for peace, wisdom and understanding about Peyton's issues, I am comforted by Proverbs 3:5.  It's telling me not to lean on that which I know in this world.  It's telling me to set aside everything that I believe about what could  be for Peyton; to set aside all that is for Peyton.  It's telling me just to TRUST in Him.  To not fear what might be because He knows.  Lean on the Lord for understanding.  Don't worry about what I think.  Just lean.

Let go.


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