Monday, October 18, 2010

Letting Go and Letting God

What an AWESOME weekend I had!!

About a month or so ago, I went out on a limb and auditioned for the worship choir at church.  It was painful!  I'm so darned shy that the words didn't even come out of my mouth when I would "start" to sing during the audition.  Fortunately, the worship leader I was auditioning for had great patience and I finally got through it.  I joined the worship choir and have been practicing with this awesome group weekly ever since!

The worship choir only performs occasionally.  It's not an every weekend kind of thing.  However, this past weekend, we were on!  Between Saturday and Sunday, we did 5 services.  It was amazing.  As shy as I am, I felt like I could just let go and get into worshiping God through the music like I've not done ever before.  The whole experience was awesome!  I truly have a new appreciation for the worship leaders and band at our church for all the hard work that goes into making our worship experience at church amazing every single weekend.

If you follow Peyton's website, you will know that we've been experiencing some challenges with her health this year.  We're at a point where we're not too sure what is going on with her respiratory health.  I just got word this afternoon that the cultures the pulmonary clinic took last week did not grow out anything.  What does this mean?  Well, it means she doesn't have an active infection - Praise God! - but it also means that we're not sure what's happening.  We could definitely use lots of prayers for Peyton and for our family while the doctors are trying to make sense of what her situation is and what it means for her moving forward.

If we stop and let our minds wander, we wind up in a whole lot of "what if" scenarios.  None of them are good.  We could sit and torture ourselves all day long about the "what ifs".  It is so hard not to let yourself go there sometimes.  The reality is that something has changed with Peyton's overall health.  Even if it's only to a small degree, it's a noticeable change in her overall condition.  She's not the same Peyton she was this time last year - even if some of the changes are only slight.  As we deal with Peyton, we are also now starting to deal with a 6 year old Moira who is very perceptive and who is struggling with her own "what ifs" where Peyton is concerned.  We've never openly discussed Peyton's future with Moira.  We try to shield her from that.  She's smarter than that, though!  Perhaps it's seeing how her Granny became very ill and then passed away recently that is causing her to think that Peyton's heading in the same direction since she's ill a lot. Two different situations, but she can't process the difference.  So we need prayers for her as well.

This weekend of seemingly constant worship at church really caused me to stop and listen to the words I was singing.  If I know and believe these things in my heart, it can help me to just let go of our current struggles and give them over to a God who loves us and who is bigger than any of the struggles we find ourselves in right now.  I'll borrow a few lyrics from these and maybe they'll help someone else to know the same:

"Our God" (Chris Tomlin):
Our God is greater, our God is stronger
God You are higher than any other
Our God is Healer, awesome in power
Our God, Our God… 

"Hand of Mercy" (Martin Chalk):
You said, 'Come to me, You tired and worn
Come to me, all weary and torn
And I will give you rest
Lay your burdens down
So I come before You, Prince of Peace
Lay my cares down at Your feet
And give my life again
To the One I love
To the One who loves me more

"Your Love Never Fails (Chris Quilala):
You stay the same through the ages
Your love never changes
There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning
And when the oceans rage
I don't have to be afraid
Because I know that You love me
Your love never fails

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